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When I was a kid, my friends and family members constantly told me that I am “all thumbs”, “clumsy”, and “lack of coordination”. I still remember it as if it was yesterday. What they did is called “labeling”.

They attached my personality to those qualities, therefore, they labeled me.

“You’re this”, “You’re that”, “Haha You can’t do that because you’re That”

At first, I didn’t take these titles seriously, as I was too concerned with my own shit. As a teenager, I was too busy to listen to criticism, and to be honest, I didn’t even have the capacity to listen to other people in general, as I was extremely introspective. However, later in life, I started asking myself questions like: “Am I really messed-up?” and “I sucks, maybe I am truly too clumsy to do these things”.

It wasn’t until I became a grown man, that I understood how much of an impact this “labeling” could have. You might think it’s meaningless or unimportant but these “labels” you got in your childhood has a lot to do with how you perceive yourself as you grow up.

They told you bunch of things about yourself, and you bought it.

Even if you think you didn’t buy it, it has tremendous scientifically-proven psychological effects, on your self-esteem, self-confidence, and simply on how you’ll view yourself later in life and where you’ll locate yourself in the social hierarchy.

Regardless of how blind and deaf you think you are to your family and friends as a teenager, you are at risk, especially when it comes to absorbing their misleading criticism. Well, I thought I was proof to them, and as you can see, it didn’t end well for me. So never underestimate the power of it.

Teenagers are full of shit, stupidity, and a lot of misunderstanding and confusion about themselves. So when they label you as “this” and “that” – do you really think it’s worth to be taken seriously? Of course not. So you want to make sure you don’t absorb their irrelevant, uninvited bullshit criticism. But how?

It probably happened in the past, you’re probably no longer a teenager, so the question that arises is “Is there a way to fix the damage that already done to you?”

Yes, there is.

But before I will explain to you how to free yourself from those invisible chains, let me clarify something:

You don’t necessarily have issues like that, some people have had a great childhood with 99.9% great feedbacks from their family and friends. You might be one of them, good for you, this isn’t relevant to you.

If you’re one of them, consider yourself lucky. Well, maybe you will grow up as a little narcissist and entitled individual, but it’s definitely another issue, which worth an article itself 🙂

Seriously, if you have a history of mostly positive reinforcement as a child, chances are you’ll probably have a greater future in terms of self-esteem (less likely to develop self-esteem issues, higher confidence, etc.).

So this article might not 100% resonate with you, and that’s fine. But for those who are familiar with these kinds of childhood labels, I’ll continue my story.

In my case, as long as I didn’t isolate myself socially, I was reluctantly forced to absorb these false, inaccurate criticisms, including my so-called “clumsiness”.

As times went by, it became my reality. I started to consider myself “clumsy”, and it was reflected not only by my thoughts but my behavior also. I’ve done ridiculous things only because I was so uncertain about my fine motor skills. I was indoctrinated and brainwashed to believe I am less than everyone when it comes to mind-muscle connection stuff. It literally affected my performance!

Never ever let anyone label you.

I found myself overwhelmed anytime I had faced a task involved in one way or another, any connection between mind and muscle. It was ingrained so strongly, that I even felt anxiety and shame everytime I needed to solve a problem that required coordination while in public, and people watch me.

As you can see, my ‘personality’ was shaped by other people’s opinions about me.

I wasn’t born clumsy. I became clumsy. How do I know that?

Well, after I ditched the idea that I am naturally clumsy and put it off, I started to experience much more coordination and much more confidence in my ability to solve problems that require fine motor skills.

A Miracle? Or maybe my personality has magically changed?

Probably not.

A false indoctrination that has nothing to do with reality? More likely…

I am not a clumsy anymore. I ceased to believe this about myself, removed the label, and started to take responsibility for my character, which is not stopping from being developed.

The good news is that you can remove the bad labels that were attached to you throughout your childhood. It’s not overnight though.

It requires practice, time, and avoiding negative people from the past who still tries to label and bound you to these labels even as a grown person! Yeah, apparently there are people like that. They aren’t worth your time, that’s for sure.

Don’t Let Anyone Dictate Your “Personality”

Your “personality” has nothing to do with your past labels. I don’t care what you’ve faced as a child, you must take your responsibility as a grown person and be the one who dictates what your personality is going to be like.

You are the only one who is going to live your life. Therefore, you are the only one who is in charge of it.

You must be cautious and not let other people define you as they will usually mistake your real value.

Is there such a thing as “Personality?”

(or it is just a word to describe something else?)

When you think of personality, you immediately think of something permanent, which cannot be changed or is very very hard to be changed. But is this really true?

Not at all.

Your personality is simply a product of your behaviors.

How one can change their behavior for the better?

Habits.

Change your habits -> change your behavior -> change your personality.

They can tell you until tomorrow, that you will never amount to much and blah blah blah, but never ever take them seriously or believe this bullshit.

You must ignore everything they say, and yes, even the people that claim they love you and want what’s “best” for you, the majority of them just throwing at you their hidden self-esteem issues in the form of fakey, baloney advice.

Assume that everyone in your close environment, secretly wants you to fail. Even if you think they love you, it doesn’t matter, don’t hurry to blame them, after all, it’s just human nature. No one wants to see a success in front of their eyes since the success of other people will always cause us to feel worthless.

Losers are jealous of winners’ success, while winners are inspired by other winners’ success stories.

So back to personality – Instead of letting others define your personality, understand what personality actually means.

You are what you do daily. You are what you do daily. You are what you do daily.

I put it 3 times for you so I hope you got it into your brain.

You are not what you think you are, you are not what other people think you are, you are not what you planned or dreamt to be, you are what you do, your behaviors, your habits.

The sooner you let this idea fill and occupy your mind, the better.

As long as you fully get it, you’ll be much more self-aware, and self-awareness obviously is a crucial skill that will help you, especially on your way up as you climb the ladder of success.

When trying to understand that personality is not permanent, you might be overwhelmed at first.

It’s fine, after all, we’ve been taught all our lives, by our teachers, by our parents, by everyone – to view it this way, as something that you cannot change as a grown person. You already this way, live with it.

You suck at reading? Sorry bro, that’s how you were born.

You suck at writing? Sorry, but writers are born, not made…

Bullshit, writers are readers.

You’ve grown up with false, bullshit ideas that you are something.

This something is in 99.9% of the cases, less than your true potential.

So, with that being said my friend, it’s your responsibility, as a grown-up, to entirely ditch the old-school definition of “personality”, as something already determined, and reshape it in the best way possible.

Putting it all together

Personality is nothing but a product of your daily behaviors. You are what you do on a daily basis, nothing else. You can reshape your personality, as you change your habits. You can do it at any given moment. Everyone can do it, it’s easy.

Start to smile more -> and you’ll soon be considered by everyone (who doesn’t know you yet) as a “nice person” – how easy is that, right?

And, of course, don’t forget to FORGET all the bad “labels” you accumulated as a child.

You are not the labels.

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