I have 2 nephews that I learn a lot from.

They are 3 and 4 years-old brothers.

Let’s say the 4-year-old is called Don, and the 3-year-old is called Joey.

It is clear to everyone that Don is always 1st, and Joey’s always 2nd. Probably because of birth order issues, Joey always finds himself the shadow of his older brother, Don.

Even Joey himself knows that he is 2nd to Don, he even cries about it sometimes:

“NO!! Don finished his meal first, he won me, it’s not fair!!”, Joey’s whining, driving us crazy in a way that only he knows.

What surprised me the most was that he cried BEFORE THEY BOTH ENDED THEIR MEAL, which means that he still had a chance to win Don, but he preferred to cry.

In Joey’s eyes, every time Don’s ahead of him, he fails.

In Don’s eyes, every time Joey’s ahead, Joey’s ahead.

To Don, it is what it is. No crying, no unnecessary drama.

I love to use kids’ behavior as an example of pure human psychology simply because they haven’t socially conditioned yet and they perfectly reflect our human instinctive nature.

When Joey “fails”, he lets his “failure” take control over him, and start to cry, to blame, and even to become aggressive and violent towards his brother Don for simply ‘winning’ him.

This fundamental human behavior is not new to our knowledge, and has its roots in our ancestors that have dealt with a reality of limited resources, in which the individual who got the most resources was considered to be the Alpha (Don) – he could have provided himself and even others due to his ability to run, well-developed hunting skills, etc.

The beta (Joey), on the other hand, had a scarcity mindset due to his limited ability to provide. Therefore, he became aggressive to the alpha, trying to steal his crown (and eventually his resources). In this case, trying to throw the spoon at him, preventing him from ‘winning’ – finishing the meal first.

It is obvious that Joey has a scarcity mindset, while Don has a resourceful, rich and strong mindset. Even if Joey wins, Don is calm, collected and sure of his ability to ‘recover’ and get his resources again.

This is the approach of a winner.

Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind.

It doesn’t matter where you are, 1st, 2nd, 3rd – as long as you are in a constant state of bettering yourself.

Failure doesn’t exist if you have the right mindset.

We all know the quote:

“Whether you think you can or can’t you’re right”

As cliche as it sounds, it’s true.

Don didn’t fail. Joey did (or at least had the illusion he did).

If Joey wants, he can change his view of failure and start looking at it from a different perspective.

From a perspective of strength and growth.

Failure is nothing but a step forward toward your goal.

Failure is nothing but the ultimate, unavoidable way to succeed in life.

Learn to embrace failure, and accept that it is a crucial step in your journey.

Failures should be called “Lessons”.

If Joey would be sure of himself, and not so obsessive with the competition – he would have spent time eating his meal, instead of crying, and who knows, perhaps “win” his brother Don.

Regardless of how legitimate it might appear to you, feeling like a victim, blaming, being jealous – won’t make you a better person.

Being obsessed with self-improvement, on the other hand, will.

Learn to shift all the focus to yourself – how you can better yourself?

It isn’t to say don’t be competitive at all. In fact, being competitive is healthy and can be productive.

But only when you’re competing with winners, that can inspire you, leverage your thinking, from whom you can learn.

And only if you don’t let the outcome dictate how you feel.

To sum it I’d say:

If you are obsessed with competition to a point that your mood depends on whether you won a competitor or not, you’re not on the right path.

But…

If you are obsessed with self-development to a point that your mood depends on whether or not you become a better YOU every single day – then you’re definitely on the right path to success.

Conclusion

There are people who view failure as a lesson which they can learn from and grow, and there are people who cry when they are not ahead.

Choose who you want to become.

Until next time,

Gal.