Gossiping has no place in a man’s life.

There is nothing more empty and unproductive than gossiping all day long. Constantly checking what happens in other people’s lives and genuinely be interested in that. How can you become obsessive about such nonsense? I ask my self. Can’t get that. Really can’t.

“Omg! Did you just see how John from Jersey Shore..??”

“Hey Lindsey, have you heard about Trump’s wife’s announcement?? I can’t believe she just said that. She’s crazy!”

I think you got the message, but keep reading.

Although gossiping is normally associated with girls, many males out there are suffering from this disease also.

Gossiping has nothing new to offer and is always about the same thing – unfruitful, unimportant, superficial, non-valuable content that leaves you with nothing more but feelings of shame, emptiness, and hypocrisy. For most people, it is a strong habit, an addiction.

This kind of behavior is mostly associated with old and bored grandmothers, obviously not with men of quality. In fact, being obsessed with such garbage is the utter antithesis of a man’s daily life. Regardless of the circumstances, negatively talking about other people’s behind their back is a girly, very feminine thing to do. It is unbecoming to a masculine man to constantly chase the buzz and be engaged in such Blah-Blah-Blah conversations that lead to nowhere actually.

Wait, Isn’t gossiping a need? Something we biologically chase after?

Yes, it is.

Like seeking approval from others is a “need“.

However, not all of our primal needs must be met in the modern era. Culture has been changed. Life has been changed. Thank god we are no longer endangered. So I suppose it’s time to stop bitching around and pretend like we are.

From an evolutionary standpoint, gossiping is a social skill and has improved people’s ability to manipulate each other for personal purposes and to create networks.

According to Yuval Noah Harari, gossiping is a necessary element of the human development throughout history. It is the ultimate tool that enables the free streaming of knowledge between each other, which we know has separated us from other creatures on this planet.

Thanks to gossiping, we can share values, learn from each other’s mistakes and experience and leverage our thinking by accumulating all the ideas together. (Also known as “The wisdom of the crowd”).

Back then in the prehistoric era, the tribes were very small, intimate groups – which means everyone knew nearly anything about anyone. It was necessary to be involved in such activities of chit-chatting what now we call nonsense.

Furthermore, It has served as a mechanism that enabled people gaining each other’s trust by examining people’s ability to keep sensitive information about other fellas in the group. You could find yourself quickly socially isolated from the group unless you took part in those gossipy discussions on a regular basis. Unsurprisingly, the individuals who held the highest social intelligence were the ones who gossiped the most.

Ironically, in the modern era, the contrary is true – when they have been caught ‘on action’, gossipers’ levels of trust measured by their acquaintances plummet dramatically as they are now perceived to be hypocrites and untrustworthy.

Understanding the roots of this phenomena, we can now recognize that it is merely a prehistoric need, therefore, treat it accordingly. It’s no longer relevant and our very survival does not depend on it anymore. Thus, next time we shouldn’t allow gossips to take control over us. It is better to actively avoid it in the first place, no matter how strongly we feel it might be useful or entertaining for us at the moment occurring.

You might be thinking:

• But sometimes, it seems inevitable – it’s everywhere – in the workplace, with family members, with friends, isn’t it? 
• It seems very hard to not notice gossips. It’s indeed epidemic.

You are right, let me help you.

How to Deal With Gossips

Simple.

Whenever you are in a situation that involves gossips, you better off cut the convo immediately and avoid these people.

You have no room in your life for time-wasters and your friendship with them should be questioned. Do not join them, do not confront them. When gossipers try to drag you down to their level, regardless of how careless and proof you think you are, staying there and hearing what they have to say and is not an acceptable approach. You must be aware of the risks simply absorbing gossips include. The only reasonable solution is to disengage from it and back off. You either 1) Physically move away (ideal) or 2) Switch the subject to something completely different (less preferable).

Leave those gossipers alone with their negativity. They like it, don’t you know? Don’t even try to convince them otherwise. Let them be stuck with this energy-stealing, low-potential-return habit and have a proud smile on your face while doing something productive instead.

In conclusion, as a man who respects himself, you must get rid of this unproductive, unprofitable habit as soon as possible. Besides poisoning you, focusing you away from real, valuable activities and putting your trust at risk, it doesn’t do you any good.

Until next time,

Gal.